THE FOUR LETTER WORD.

Love- it is not merely a word. It’s an emotion. One of those which is impossible to predict. You can never ever justify this feeling. You can never explain why your heart beat suddenly accelerates on seeing someone. Yet love is also one of the most natural feelings, example, a mother’s unconditional love for her child, love for your friends, pets... the list is endless.....


Every place shouts the presence of it. Movies, magazines are full of it. Love stories, which are bestsellers. How can one not get inspired/influenced by this? There have recently been incidents in my life which have both strengthened and weakened my belief in love. Also this topic in itself is so complicated, that I was sceptical as to whether or not I will be able to do justice to it. But I had to take this load off me and also I had promised a friend of mine that I will write about it. Now I seriously have no idea as to what exactly I am going to write about... but have to start, so ......

I ll begin by the story of a guy, who loves a girl from the past three years. The girl however refuses to acknowledge the fact and the guy. The guy refuses to give up. The situation now is that the guy has just one ambition left, and that is to somehow or the other get her or just talk to her some way. Career, hobbies, friends ... all these things hold no meaning to him. Everything is just about that girl. He keeps talking about her. Keeps on making plans to somehow just talk to her. His whole life is centred around her. Sometimes I feel, she is all he’s living for and at times I fear she is the one he could even die for.



This guy happens to be a good friend of mine and I care about him. Sometimes I get so clueless as to how should I help him. What should I say to make him feel better? What should I say that does not sound like a cliché?”I cannot live without her”. How to reply to that. Who is at fault here, the girl the guy ...who? And what exactly is this thing called love..? You meet someone and suddenly your whole being is around and about that person. your days are gone thinking about them, wondering how great it would be to have them around.... is this what love is...? This longing, the need to be together, .........!!!

And even when you are lucky enough, and your feelings are reciprocated, what happens then...? Naturally, everything looks heavenly. Life is suddenly beautiful. There is no greater source of happiness than knowing the fact that there is this special someone, who constantly cares, worries about you. Reminds you constantly, how special you are. Your days and nights belong to them and you feel you have attained the most precious gift ever. But love doesn’t come with a guarantee, there is no permanence.



Coming to another story, a love story straight out of the pages of mills and boon. Innocent love, not knowing the true realities of life. Lovely beginning, great start, perfect understanding. When the couple attained stability and settled down, there were suddenly cracks visible in spite of the strong foundation. It seems like love left them. There is nothing to talk about. The long never-ending, pocket-emptying telephone conversations are now a thing of past. The initial hellos are followed by uncomfortable silence and ended with formal talks. No endearments. Now what went wrong here....everything was so perfect, so true, just like a fairytale...

But as they say “life is no fairytale”. The harsh reality is that, even when two persons are committed to each other and practise fidelity, things can go wrong. Distances occur which are impossible to bridge, like two banks of a river. There was a time, when every detail of “what all you did the whole day” was disclosed, but now you call only because of habit. The communication gap at one point of time gets so huge, that you realize that the person you at one time loved is now nothing but a stranger.




It becomes so difficult to take a step towards improving your relation. Always waiting for the other person to make the first move. And when the other person fails to do so, thinking “if he is not bothered, why should I care”. Small problems change to bigger ones and the distance keeps growing.

Amidst this enters a new person, who suddenly gives you attention and appreciation. You would go towards that person like a piece of iron towards the magnet. However hard you try to stay away, make promises with yourself, it becomes impossible to think rationally. When the person you love criticises you, has no time for you. That new person gives the required comfort and a great boost to your self-esteem and self-confidence. Is this cheating....? Infidelity...?




Do you even realise the fact that what you are doing is wrong, does this fact register in your mind..? It’s injustice to yourself, your partner and that “new” person. Then what to do....? What is the right thing to do..? Go back to the place you receive no respect, or break all ties and set yourself free...? I know there are “n” number of solutions available... just Google it and you ll be spending rest of the day reading great answers to your queries. But how badly I wish it was that easy. In reality when you are under such a situation (or for that matter any situation relating to love) your brain refuses to acknowledge the solution or the easy way out (saying this on basis of personal experiences...!!). Maybe it’s true that love is synonym of suffering...!!

So what exactly is love....? does it exist or is it just a gimmick. Is it popular only because it’s all over the movies, and it’s kinda “cool” to say that I am in love...? I am still in a dilemma. Hope I get my answers soon....!!
For then
keep loving ...!
I ll like to end the post by quoting a line by someone who’s been there and done that...
“Don’t confuse love with desire
It comes from the ashes of desire”.

p.s
I think this is my longest post...!! (:D) ohh god this love...!!

GUILTY or INNOCENT TAG

First of all, thanks to chanz for tagging me on this really very interesting stuff. I had plans to write a different post, when I was tagged I couldn’t avoid posting this one immediately....!

RULE 1- You can only say Guilty or Innocent.


RULE 2- You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you and asks!

RULE 3- Copy and paste this into your notes, delete my answers, type in your answers and tag to your friends to answer this.


Asked someone to marry you? Innocent

Ever kissed someone of the same sex? Guilty

Danced on a table in a bar? Innocent

Ever told a lie? Guilty

Had feelings for someone whom you can’t have back? Guilty

Kissed a picture? Guilty

Slept in until 5 PM? Guilty

Fallen asleep at work/school? Guilty

Held a snake? Innocent

Been suspended from school? Innocent

Worked at a fast food restaurant? Innocent

Stolen from a store? Guilty

Been fired from a job? Innocent

Done something you regret? Guilty

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Guilty

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Innocent

Kissed in the rain? Innocent

Sat on a roof top? Guilty

Kissed someone you shouldn't? Innocent

Sang in the shower? Guilty

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Innocent

Shaved your head? Innocent

Had a boxing membership? Innocent

Made a boyfriend cry? Innocent

Been in a band? Innocent

Shot a gun? Innocent

Donated Blood? Innocent

Eaten alligator meat? Innocent

Eaten cheesecake? Innocent

Still love someone you shouldn’t? Guilty

Have/had a tattoo? Innocent

Liked someone, but will never tell who? Guilty

Been too honest? Guilty

Ruined a surprise? Guilty

Ate in a restaurant and got really bloated that you couldn’t walk afterward? Guilty

Erased someone in your friends list? Guilty

Dressed in a woman’s clothes (if you’re a guy) or man’s clothes (if you’re a girl)? Innocent
Joined a pageant? Innocent

Been told that you’re handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said? Guilty

Had communication with your ex? Innocent
Got totally drunk on the night before exam? Innocent

Got totally angry that you cried so hard? Guilty


It was fun...! loved answering all the questions...!
Thank you again chanz


I would like to tag the following bloggers:
1. beyond barriers
2. pan
3. R Ramesh
4. abhi
5. jauntyanima
6. prithwish
7. eksha
8. dhruv

LAUGH AWAY YOUR WORRIES….

These days all I see people do is worry. Worry worry and more worry. All the time, every where just worry. Students worry about exams, results, future and if not anything else, there are always “other” tensions (:P). Grown-ups worry about their jobs, ghar ki tension and inflation in prices………!!!



Coming to me… I always worry about the most stupid things, meager stuff, the things least important. In the past too I have worried about many things…. Which at that time held a lot of importance. Which was a “do or die” situation for me …then. But now, after so many years when I look back at those times…. I just smile or sometimes even laugh out loud, thinking about my stupidity. Feeling bad about the precious time I wasted fretting over stupid thinks, which don’t even matter to me now. Which don’t even have the teeniest weeniest link to the kind of life I live……!!

I guess I am no exception. This happens with everybody sometime or the other, when you sit and ponder over the situation. What I don’t understand is that what we worry about at present, the thing that is causing jitters will be nothing in near future. We will laugh over it later. So, the point that now arises is ….. WHY NOT LAUGH AT THE WORRIES NOW….??!!



I know it’s not easy….! But this is such a good idea and method to get rid of your tensions and the diseases associated with this famously called “silent killer”. Just imagine the situation, when you are really tense and worried. Stand in front of a mirror; look carefully at your face. Laugh heartily at that face full of anxieties and tension. Anxieties which hold (at most of the times) no meaning at all. Laugh at the face, take a deep breath and come back. Come back to life and do what to love. Listen to some soothing music….!!

God our heavenly father is always omnipresent to help us and is constantly guiding us towards the best. You must have seen a blacksmith working to make perfect shapes out of rot iron. The iron is first heated until red hot, hammered to get the required shape and then plunged into cold water. This process is repeated many times to get the perfect shape. Same is the case with us. We too have to undergo pressures and constant difficulties to attain that perfect aura. STRUGGLE IS IMPORTANT FOR SUCCESS.



To make fire in the big log of wood, first the weaker/smaller kindling have to be ignited. Similarly for us to stand up straight and strong our weaknesses and insecurities must be burned. So that we emerge stonger.
AFTERALL ACCORDING TO SHAHID- “THERE ARE TO FHORTCUT’S TO SUCCESS”.
p.s posted in college @ net lab

RIDE @ KOT AND BHALWAL......!!

Well my college is situated in a god forsaken place called KOTBHALWAL (or so I thought). Today I went on this beautiful long drive with two friends of mine. Actually, that one friend of mine recently bought a new car. So, he was to give us a ride since long but somehow a plan could never be formulated. But today FINALLY we got hold of him and he willingly/happily took us on this great ride.



Our college is basically located in the outskirts of Jammu city, which means a lot of open fields, mango trees, corn and wheat fields.... in short fields, fields and more fields. Also a lot of cows, ill-mannered people...umm well don’t want to get there. So beyond the college I had never really gone anywhere apart from maybe half a kilometre sometimes to get a matador (the matadors there are super crowded and you have to keep moving ahead to grab a spot to stand in those utterly smelly crowded and full of obnoxious people). There also a very famous jail out there, where the most notorious and hardened criminals and terrorists are held. As such it’s always at the centre of some or the other controversy.







Today on our long long drive we crossed all the boundaries and rode on the newly made beautiful road, surrounded by scenery on both the sides. Also a few gardens and a water body too....!! Well I desperately wanted to stop and get down, walk around a bit and off course take pictures (photographs are imperative to my existence as I keep mentioning). But no one allowed. Actually the roads were soo deserted, we were scared that anytime dacoits will somehow emerge from bushes and pounce on us. After going on, our friend suggested we go and check out GCET’s (a government engineering college) new campus @ chakbhalwal. So, after few more gardens, dairies, fields and broken roads we finally arrived at the destination. At that moment I was so happy with my college and its location. That college is totally cut-off from the whole city which was proved by the fact that there were no towers in our mobiles. The college too was deserted. I was wondering what it must seem like @ night. Hmmmm SCARY IS THE WORD....




Well nevertheless the campus (still under construction) was superb. Similar to the campus of SMVDU @ katra, Jammu. And FINALLY we got down, looked around a bit and most importantly took a few pics. Though I missed eku she couldn’t come for reasons I m not capable of explaining. And most importantly I came to know that KOT and BHALWAL are two different places. And my PRESTIGIOUS college is in the KOT part. And the KOT part is the most sophisticated amongst the kot, bhalwal and chakbhalwal.




So, overall had quite an adventurous day...!!

FINALLY.....!! phew..!

The "finally" is written for two reasons:

1. my net is working....!!! YO.
2. I got my first ever AWARD.



Well thanks a lot vandy for this award. as per the rules i am supposed to forward this award to 5 more buddies of mine....here's the list....

1. DHRUV
2. CHANZ
3. PAN
4. ABHI
5. SHASHANK.

WHAT NEXT...?

Life is full of surprises. Peasant, unpleasant both. One you get used to the flow of it, it seems nothing but a cakewalk. But then what’s the fun in living a guarded life. What I mean is that, when you know what you have to do or are supposed to do... you surely, undoubtedly lead an organised life. But hell, you miss the fun filled element in your life. That rush or doing something out of the blue.... totally unexpectedly......!!

There are people with me in college, who come to college, attend all the lectures, jot down all the notes, go back home straight from college. They know they have to fight amongst the likes of them to reach the top position in the class. They have already decided what/ how their future will be. I am nowhere close to them. Believe it or not, I am still totally clueless about my future. What will I do, where will I go..? Will I manage to get a job...? Should I go for an MBA...? All these questions are still unanswered. When in my 12th standard I faced a similar situation. As to WHAT NEXT...? Now after 4 years of this wonderful journey I find myself at the same place from where I started. Someone rightly said “LIFE IS A CIRCLE”. There are moments when I get really worked up and tense thinking about my future. But for the most part, I remain blissfully unconcerned. I have no idea as to what my future will be, where or what I ll do. So, at this point of time I want to enjoy the few left moments of my student life.....





The feel of sitting in a classroom, texting in the classroom, eating the Tiffin in the classroom, fighting over seats, exchanging looks and smiles, the numerous plates of momo’s @ canteen, photography (which is imperative to my existence now)....! Want to enjoy the spontaneity of a moment. When suddenly a plan is made. Fights over the bigger slice of pizza, avoiding the bill, creating ruckus...!! I may not be sure about what my future is going to be like.... but I can guarantee that when I look back, thinking about this phase of my life, in my memories, in the huge huge collection of pics that I have..... I will smile, laugh and cry... all at the same time....!!

Now that I am about to complete this circle, I am apprehensive about the new beginning. Excited as well as intimidated. Just hoping that whatever it may be, it should at least be half as wonderful as my college days. Also, I get disturbed thinking about the fact, that who’s going to take care of me, with my friends no longer with me. It’s so hard to even imagine that after a few months, we will not be together. No more “kal kitne baje jaana hai...”? “Sorry I ll be late”..? “Let’s bunk”....!!









Well still there are some two, three months left comprising of- a major project, final exams and not to miss the sessionals (have one tomorrow). Thinking of living life as it comes, with great zeal and vigour. At the same time, keeping few shutters open for the making of decisions of the FUTURE.

RIDING DOWN LIFE’S HIGHWAY IS HARD WORK,
YOU OWE IT TO YOURSELF TO HAVE FUN ALONG THE WAY.

p.s don't know when my net will work.... so when i got the chance to use net, i posted all that i had written in a few days...

LET ME BE “ME”..........!!!!

I want to know who I am. Sick and tired of all the pretence surrounding me. Pretentions of being good to others, when in reality you could happily shoot them. Smiling and saying fine thank you when actually you feel nothing close to being “fine”. You talk to me as if you adore me, when I know how much you hate me........

I just don’t care about pleasing peoplea round me anymore. I just want to be me. I want to laugh loudly when I feel like. I want to cry my heart out when I wish to. I want to whistle freely, when I am in a good mood (YUP...!! I can whistle). I want to stand up against all odds, when I feel that whatever is happening is not right, not just go with the flow, thinking “who cares... let it be”. I don’t want to be answerable to people who don’t matter to me, explaining my decisions and actions to people who otherwise don’t give a damn to what I do or say.....





I wish it was as easy to bring it into practice as it was to write it. However strong or determined you may be. There are always times when YOU HAVE TO bend. However you hate it, whatever you do, people will make you do what you don’t want to, and you won’t even realise it. You wouldn’t get the time to think about your actions, let alone the thought of thinking about the repercussions.

A teacher of mine once said......
“I really don’t care if you guys call me khaduus or strict behind my back, because that means I have done my job successfully. I have not bent on my set principles to make you people happy in the wrong way.....!!
I will never forget these lines and the teacher who said these lines. Really admire her.

Hats off to such people, who have the courage to “be different” and revolutionalise the society. Here’s hoping to find the real me soon enough, who’s hiding behind all the facade people want/ expect me to create in order to please them and live my live in accordance with their desires and wishes.....!!
Sorry folks but I want myself back.....!!

P.s I m still wondering “what have I written about”....!!
p.s posted from friend's place