The Transformation.

Whenever I go back in time, I always see myself as the girl who was the thinest of all. It was a usual thing for me to be an audience to the long lectures accompanied by tch tch of Auntyji's at any social gathering that I happpened to be a part of. Everyone related to me (and not related to me) was concerned about my weight. Not to mention I was also a butt of many a jokes amongst cousins and friends.

Needless to say I was never proud of my thin status. It made me painfully self conscious and extremely shy. During my growing years I tried everything I could to stay away from any kind of limelight. Which basically means that I did nothing of which I can tell my kids about. As I grew up and entered my teens, I got a lot of attention from the well, ahem opposite sex. I must say it had a little bit of good impact on me. It managed to increase my self confidence a teeny weeny bit. But it also brought about new troubles. The more I got attracted towards vanity, the madder I became selecting jeans that wouldn't sit on my waist. Tops that looked like hanging on a hanger. 

Over the years however I become very confident of the way I looked. In fact I liked how I looked a lot. The credit for that goes to my absolutely fabulous parents and friends, who never once made me feel like an alien. As I became sensible with time I realized that if people who matter expect and love me the way I am then I am fine the way I am. All through my growing years in school to college, I followed this range of weight which varied from 38 Kg to 42 Kgs. 

Soon after college I shifted to Mumbai and everyone including me thought that I would soon become invisible. First time away from home, new city, new atmosphere, no cooking experience, hectic lifestyle and busy schedule, all factors taken together would definitely take a toll on my slight 40 Kg frame. But surprise surprise, all these factors did something totally unexpected. I started putting on weight at an alarming speed. It's now almost a year that I am in Mumbai and I have put on a staggering, well, hold your breath 10 Kilos of Weight!!!!! Initially I was OK with it but not any more. Firstly, it is the unhealthy fat gained from my initial days food - Pizzas, Burgers, Maggies, Tandoori Rotis, Butter Naans and Lots of Chicken. Secondly, because it is at all the wrong places. 

Now I know that it's not good (neither to look at and nor for my health). But I fail to do anything about it, that motivation (to get up early in the morning or for any thing productive) is missing. I will not stop eating, that I know for sure. I have always been a big foodie, even when I was skinny. Somehow that time miraculously I did not put on any weight but now sigh, the story is quite different. So what I need is just a set up of routine, because I know that when that routine is set up, no one can break it! But sadly I am unable to create that routine. 

Till then I would have to hear exclamatory sentences like "Oh my God,You have put on weight". I mean, Hello, what's your problem? You did not like me thin, you don't let me be fat. What the hell is wrong with people? They can't be satisfied, I am telling you!

Sense and Sensibility

Sometimes what we fail to understand as adults, little children grasp that concept, feeling or gratitude with such an ease that it is really astonishing. Children are honest, true and pure in every respect. Hence you can expect an honest feedback from them; it can be a heartfelt compliment or an outright criticism. But sometimes their little things and deeds make such an impact on us adults that we are left wondering that even though we are the ones with experience and knowledge, it’s sometimes the children who are better judges when it comes to making decisions or saying the right things. I have had the pleasure of meeting such a little child full of sense, sensibility and tremendous amount of self respect.

I was on a major shopping spree with my friends in Bandra (Mumbai). And because I love flowers my friend surprised me by bringing a pretty bunch of colourful roses with her. Now after a heavy indulgence in shopping and food, we were heading towards the Bandra Station to catch a train back home. We were waiting at a signal, when a little boy same to our side selling roses. There was something really special about him; he was not like those annoying little children who keep poking you even when you have your face turned against them. So this little boy kept saying “Didi, le lo na fool” (Please buy these flowers). I showed him my own bunch of flowers and told him that I don’t need more. That far from disappointing him made him very excited. He got animated and started giving me tips on how to keep the flowers fresh for a long time (by trimming the stems and all).

 I and my friend found this little guy way too cute, we decided to give him some money just like that. I took out a Rs 10 note from my purse and gave it to the boy. He took it a little sadly, and said that he sells the flowers at Rs 30. We clarified that the money was not for the flowers but just for him. As soon as I uttered these words, he ran away with the money but not before he threw the bouquet of flowers inside the auto. We craned our necks out of the auto and saw him standing on the divider. He refused to take back the flowers and also our free favour money. Soon the signal cleared out and as the auto started to move ahead, he smiled and waved in our direction.

I have never been able to forget that incident or that boy. He was merely 6 or 7 years old but his self respect and principles were already so strong that they put us to shame. He refused to take any free favours from us. Hats off to the little boy.  I always end of comparing him with the beggars who instead of doing or even trying to find any work simply take the easy way out! I just wish him all the good luck and happiness, wherever he is!

The Great Middle East Obsession

So it's proved now, I am officially besotted, smitten and fanatical about everything having even a minute ting of anything Middle East about it. It started off with Thousand Splendid Suns, an enchanting book by Mr Khalid Hossieni. I loved this book so much so that I have re-read it numerous times over the years and publicized it verbally and on blog here and here

Soon after finishing this book, I was suddenly smitten by the Afghan people, Afghanistan and its culture. I yearned to know more about the Pashtuns, Taziks and Hazaras (the main tribes in Afghanistan). It was nearly at this time that I came across this blog. Apart from now being friends with this friendly Pashtun girl, I do get my periodic updates about the ethics and culture of Pashtun people and of her cute niece Kashmala.

Meanwhile I also read The Kite Runner, which further strengthened my resolve to visit the unfortunate land of Afghanistan. By the way I have this dream of visiting Afghanistan at least once in my lifetime, I don’t know how this dream of mine will be fulfilled but I just hope I get to visit Afghanistan at least once.

After reading this book I was suddenly googling a lot about Afghanistan, its culture and also simultaneously broadening my horizons over the Middle East  in large. Then I laid my hands on Not Without My Daughter by Betty Mahmoody (which again  is a must read by the way). This book explores Iran and Iranian culture, which again was loved my me.

Soon after I read Princess by Jean P. Sasson, which explored the Saudi Arabian culture, something I was dying to know about since a long time. I devoured this emotional trauma of a book in a single day and I can’t say that I slept peacefully for days after reading this book. Now the scenario is such that I pick up pretty much any book which has even a slight inkling of anything remotely Middle East combined with subject of subjugation of women on its cover page. The very recent being For the Love of a Son, again by Jean P Sasson. This book too explores the life of Afghan women, there miserable lives and pathetic conditions. I have been reading this book in huge junks even though I am home for a vacation. I hope to be able to read all books written by Jean P Sasson (which are a lot, by the way!)

Once I am done reading these books, I always yearn for more. I am like, “No way, Am I on the last page already? So soon? I wanted more.” I make myself feel better by googling as much as I can about the culture, cuisines and people of the Middle East. The books have such heartbreaking stories and instances that they never fail to bring tears in my eyes even when I am just thinking about them. I intend to do a post which has all the lines and stories from all these books which are special to me very soon.
Stay Tuned!


Love
Sepo!

The All about ME Post

Copied this from Purvi’s blog! I have been excited to write this ever since I saw this on her blog. Finally today I got the energy and time to post it today! Read on to know more tit-bits about me!

·                     Age: 23 on 9^th Feb

·                     Bed Size: 6*3 in which I struggle to keep myself and snowy the bear.

·                     Chores that you hate: Washing Clothes, Cleaning my wardrobe (overflowing with clothes) and packing (gosh, I hate packing, never able to make up my mind for anything and always forgetting something or the other)

·                      Dogs: Nope. Not for me.

·                     Essential start to your day: Funny as it may sound I usually wake up with an urgent need to attend the call of the nature, so that pretty much starts my day!

·                     Favourite Colour: I love bright colours. Reds, Hot pinks, Purples, Electric Blues. Oh yes, bring them on!

·                     Gold or Silver: Diamonds!!

·                     Height: 5 feet 4 inches

·                     Instruments that you play: None. And not liking it but doing nothing about it.

·                     Job Title: Assistant System Engineer

·                     Kids: None

·                     Live: Born in Kashmir, Live in Jammu, Current location is Mumbai.

·                     Music: Love it. Either listening or singing!

·                     Nicknames: Chunu, Sepo, Snehu and many more!

·                     Obsessive Compulsion: Sigh. Check this out!

·                     Pet peeves: These days there are a list of things that annoy me. So I will pass this one.

·                     Quote: "I will not exist, I will live" I often say this and I believe it :)

·                     Right or left Handed: Right Handed

·                     Siblings: A sister who is 7 years older to me and blessed with a 6 month old daughter.

·                     Travel Destinations: Current wish list includes- Goa, Kerala, Sikkim and Rajasthan. Long term plans are for places like – Ireland, Germany, France, and Spain, Mauritius and lots and lots of other places!

·                     Unacceptable: Injustice, Lies and backbiting

·                     Vegetable(s) you hate: After staying away from home, I eat more or less everything

·                     What makes you run late: The extra 5 minutes of sleep with somehow turns into hours

·                     X-Rays you have had: Chest, Spine and Shoulder

·                     Yummy food that you make: I am at a learning stage, but yes I will brag and say that whatever I make comes up tasty and good. Beginners’’ luck maybe?

·                     Zodiac: Aquarius.

The NO-Blackhead Syndrome

There is this feeling inside me, which sprouts up whenever I feel that something is not right. This feeling is usually followed by a deep restlessness and an itch to make that thing right and correct. This "thing" can be brought about due to a lot of reasons varying from cleanliness (a la Monica Geller from friends) to split-ends in my hair! Yes, I am that weird.

Now I can talk at lengths about split-ends, they just freak me out, whenever I spot one in my hair, I am immediately transformed into that state I mentioned above. I just have to get rid of it somehow, believe it or not when I was a student, while studying I had this very annoying habit of fiddling with my hair, the moment I spotted any split-ends, I would immediately get rid of it with the help of a scissor I always kept by my side. In case of absence of scissor in situations wherein say I am travelling etc, I have successfully used other instruments, namely my teeth! Yes, the condition is that serious.

This is actually nothing compared to what I experience when I spot a blackhead! I have forgotten the count of how many articles and books I have read which highlight  the fact that uprooting blackheads by squeezing them with nails is a practice that should be shunned. It is something that even the cave men and women never indulged in. I have also lost the count of how many times I promised myself that I will not torture my skin anymore. But Alas, all this is forgotten the moment I spot a black nasty blackhead. What's more embarrassingly serious about this blackhead thingy is that, it's not just about me. The restlessness to uproot the blackhead props up from any blackhead, by any I mean even those which are on someone else's body. Over the years I have brutally assaulted by sister's nose and also left a staring mark on it by regularly "cleansing" it. I have shamelessly offered this service to few friends, some colleagues and random acquaintances.

Recently while in a meeting in office, there was a client who was speaking at length about, well something! The reason I cannot remember anything from that meeting is that all my attention was on his neck which has a huge blackhead smirking directly at me. Taunting me. Making it hell difficult to concentrate on anything else. Trust me it took all of my will power and strength to sit still through the meeting and stay as far as possible from that client when the meeting was over.

It was then that I realized that just how serious it has become. It feels like I am a mad mad women on a outrage to change the world into a No-Blackhead world!
      

Book Review - Unaccustomed Earth

Whenever I go about selecting books I intend to read, I take my time selecting. Taking it slow, judging the cover, taking in the jest at the back of the book. Opening the first page and analyzing the style. Thinking whether or not I will enjoy reading it. Then and only then my friends I invest my hard-earned money into that book.

However as they say sometimes "Naam he kafi hai" (The name only is enough). I picked up this book called Unaccustomed Earth even before properly read its title. The only thing that caught my eye and attention was the author's name "Jhumpa Lahiri". It was immediately decided that this book will be bought, in any case. So I quickly and randomly shuffled the pages here and there, just to explain to myself that I have not cheated and I follow my book-buying rituals religiously.

This was not the first time I was smitten by the name Jhumpa Lahiri. The first time was for The Namesake, this time it was Unaccustomed Earth. But masterpieces in their own rights. While Namesake was a story spanning generations, Unaccustomed Earth provides you the joy of 8 stories in one book. It has the typical style of Jhumpa, very subtle, in a way that will leave you wounded (with a heavy heart) without you even realizing it in a conscious sort of a way.

I found myself devouring the book, savouring it, inhaling it, deeply involved in it. Each story teaching me a little something. The simplest of the human emotions and lives bringing out a radical change in the way I see things. Feeling the pain yet I never felt it to be a overtly emotional book, like say a Thousand Splendid Suns. As much as I love that book. It had me settling it aside at regular interval while I cried my heart out at miserable lifes of Mariam and Laila. Not able to get the horrible images out of my mind even after days of finishing it.

I especially loved the end of last story. It was very touching and indirectly telling you many a things.

Can't wait to start another Jhumpa Lahiri soon enough. Till then it's Three Cups of tea by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin

*Some Quotes*

“She supposed that all those years of loving a person who was dishonest had taught her a few things.”

 “There were times Ruma felt closer to her mother in death than she had in life, an intimacy born simply of thinking of her so often, of missing her. But she knew that this was an illusion, a mirage, and that the distance between them was now infinite, unyielding. ” “He still had the power to stagger her at timessimply the fact that he was breathing that all his organs were in their proper places that blood flowed quietly and effectively through his small sturdy limbs. He was her flesh and blood her mother had told her in the hospital the day Akash was born.” 

 “The sky was different, without color, taut and unforgiving. But the water was the most unforgiving thing, nearly black at times, cold enough, I knew, to kill me, violent enough to break me apart. The waves were immense, battering rocky beaches without sand. The farther I went, the more desolate it became, more than any place I'd been, but for this very reason the landscape drew me, claimed me as nothing had in a long time.” 

 “He owned an expensive camera that required thought before you pressed the shutter, and I quickly became his favorite subject, round-faced, missing teeth, my thick bangs in need of a trim. They are still the pictures of myself I like best, for they convey that confidence of youth I no longer possess, especially in front of a camera.”

 "Soon, likewise, my old native town will loom upon me through the haze of memory, a mist brooding over and around it; as if it were no portion of the real earth, but an overgrown village in cloud-land, …. Henceforth, it ceases to be a reality of my life. I am a citizen of somewhere else." 

Lazier - Without Resolution!

People generally start their New Year by making resolution and (not necessarily) sticking to them. New year brings out new ideas and tasks for people. First fifteen days of 2012 have passed and I am yet to come to come face to face with my plans/ideas/plannings. I am totally clueless these days about everything. If you were to ask me what day it is, it will take me approximately 5  minutes to ponder over the question and answer it. And yea, no guarantee of it to be correct.

   My office is really sucking the hell out of my life. To give you an idea of the extend of torture I will just say that from the past two weeks I am working on Saturdays (not to forget the 9AM -9PM weekdays)! After this I just crave some loneliness, good food and sleep (lots and lots of it). I have been avoiding a lot many phone calls a nd friends. In every corner of the world somebody or the other would be cursing me for the way I am behaving with my dear ones. I know they mean well and care for me, but I just don't seem to get it. I end up getting hugely irritated or shouting on people for no mistake of there's. So to avoid all this I prefer to keep missing calls and avoiding people. Really ashamed to admit it but its really easing out that building knot inside my heart whose weight was becoming difficult for me to bear.

 I have been really ignoring my blog since the last few days, though I have been occasionally dropping in a few comments on all your blogs. I was pleasantly surprised by Purvi's comment on my blog the other day where she mentioned that she has left me an award! Yeah awards make me very happy.

So, this award gave me the necessary push to start blogging. What could have been better than starting the first post of 2012 with an award. Thanks a lot for this award Purvi.

 One observation: I am becoming lazier year on year, without making any resolution for the same :|