Monday, February 8, 2010
Why is that when you are all alone and desperately want someone to simply just talk to you that people somehow suddenly get all busy and have no time for you. You call them up feeling all excited and happy, thinking you will brush on your happiness and a bit of your loneliness on to them but they get “IRRITATED” by you. You get stiffed, hung up on. Feeling ridiculous and foolish. It happened to me and trust me I had no hard feelings with the person but wanted to slap myself. I am one big narcissist but at that time hated myself to the core.....
I am very sensitive and could already feel tears growing in my eyes, tears of hurt and humiliation. But I did not want to spoil my mood (and eye makeup) by crying, so I called someone else (a friend) to divert my mind. But things were definitely not on my side as that “someone else” was busy. I had no guts left to call anyone else and to stop my tears now. Actually it always happens with me... whenever I am feeling down, upset and desperately want someone to talk to I can never ever manage to do it. I don’t know what happens but somehow everybody suddenly gets busy or has no time to listen to me coz of other important issues.
So here I am crying my heart out, when a few minutes ago I was all happy and excited about my birthday and all I wanted was to talk to a person. Seems entirely another time now. Do hell with this birthday now. I hate everyone (me included). Thank god for my blog, atleast now there a place which is entirely mine and where I can come whenever I want to, and write whatever I wish to without irritating or disturbing anyone. And I swear on my blog I will make myself soo strong that I will never ever need anybody to support me (emotionally). I myself am/will be self sufficient and will take good care of myself.
Can’t tell you how much better I feel now, after pouring my feelings into words.....
p.s this post has been written under a raining spell of tears, I don’t have the energy left for checking errors. So excuse any mistakes or grammatical errors.