Tuesday, April 5, 2016

They Shoot Single People, Don't They?

Have you ever noticed that the world we live-in was designed to be enjoyed in pairs? There are very few places where one would feel at ease with one’s own company. At the movies we have all sorts of combo offers but none for the poor single visitor. Dinning out with yourself or meal for one options are unheard of, except maybe for a few places we can count on our fingers. No fancy restaurant will ever server you half butter chilli noodles or half murg malai tikka. So you just cannot enjoy a proper 3 course meal all by yourself, unless of course you aspire to be a sumo wrestler.

What hurts more than absence of such places is the behavior a single person is subjected to, dare he/she venture out alone. The only way is it somewhat acceptable to be seen alone is if you are busy on a laptop or your smartphone or maybe busy reading something. That gives an illusion of you waiting for someone or leading such a busy life that you have to come alone for a quick bite. But god forbid if you are seen without any of the above mentioned props. Then the askance glances and pitiful looks you get will be unbearable.

Spotting a girl alone is a bigger risk because all the guys and uncles will automatically assume that she is 'asking for it'. They will leave no stone unturned to make her uncomfortable by approaching her to 'fill up' her loneliness. What people don’t get is that not everyone shopping, eating or watching a movie alone is a pariah. Sometimes it is circumstantial and other times purely by choice.
Once you grow up it is not always easy to find yourself in company of people who would love to accompany you to every mundane task you need to accomplish. Similarly at times you would rather be with yourself than be at the whims and fancies of others. Like when I go shopping I survey the options before shelling out money. I go from shop to shop and sometimes end up going to the first shop I entered. Successful implementation of this formula mandates that I have an understanding partner. But let’s be honest this is not everyone’s cup of tea. Most of the people just like to get in and get out while shopping. So, in order to not invite the wrath of an individual and put up with tantrums I prefer shopping alone. And when I get hungry I stop by to enjoy a meal solo. I also go to movies alone because not all people I hang out with share my taste for movies. SO what? Big Deal! 

Being alone, spending time with yourself teaches you so many things. It teaches you to be self-sufficient. To engage your energy with fruitful and creative ventures. It teaches you to observe, observe everything around you - people, nature, little children, cracks in the ceilings, dust on the walls, spider working on its web…. It also makes you appreciate company of people and the fact that nothing and no one should be taken for granted. Having little to no contact with the girls staying in my PG has taught me to be more considerate and attentive towards our bai. It is her I am totally dependent on in the mornings while getting ready. I bombard her with questions asking her opinion about my look of the day. And man is she critical or what! She gives me helpful advice like "keep the dupatta only on one side", "add a bindi" or "that belt is not matching" and once "hair is looking too oily". She maybe not have access to the latest issue of cosmo but for me she is a valuable fashion advisor. Under normal circumstances I would have laughed at the idea of a bai giving me fashion advice but now I have learned my lesson.

Agreed its great being in relationship or having a great bunch of friends to hang out and have fun with. But having experienced both I can tell you that being alone does not have to be a sad or a contemptable experience. Sometimes it is with yourself you can have the maximum fun. Cheers!

Love Sepo


  1. Well written my friend.

    I'll write a long comment now just to make sure that I live up to my reputation of writing long comments on my friends blog posts :)

    Good observation and a honest presentation of your thoughts. Can't agree more with what you said. Everyone who lives away from home to study/work can definitely relate to these experiences.

    Self-learning is a continuous process. As each day passes, you understand yourself better than the day before. Not everyone are the same though, every individual reacts differently to situations that life throws at them.

    We are all born with positives and negatives, nobody can be 100% perfect and yes, I am not perfect too. There were instances in my life when I did feel lonely after my grandma passed away - I loved her way too much and the feeling of emptiness I had was mostly to do with missing her at home. And when I first left home to work in Zaheerabad, I was completely isolated from the outside world cause I lived in a house that was on the outskirts and almost in the middle of a forest. It was alright initially but after a few months I started to miss my family. But I learnt a lot and grew out of it almost a decade ago. Even today, inadvertently I do mention about the word loneliness sometimes - but I love myself and comfortable being on my own. I believe every experience in life - good/bad makes us wiser. Each time you win over a negative thought is a victory that builds foundation for a joyful future.

    Coming to shopping, majority of the people we come across in our society are aware and cautious about the money they spend; only rarely you see a spendthrift. Normally spendthrifts are people who were born in rich families and who were brought up in an extravagant manner and were not taught morals and value of money. I was bor in a middle class family and was raised by parents who were very disciplined about money, so I have never deliberately wasted money and I work very hard today to earn every penny, so I respect money.

    Normally I do my regular shopping at Lidl supermarket which is the cheapest store in the UK. I'm not trying to market them here but I do my homework before I turn loyal to something in life. Yes, they sell the same quality goods as others but for unbelievably cheap prices. Their price even beats ASDA as well. I've been shopping at Lidl for so many years now that I trust their prices so much that I just pick stuff without analyzing too much. But I have the habit of checking bills once I return home, so sometimes I end up buying the regular pack of premium chocolate chip cookies at Lidl and realise at home that they've increased the price and I ended up paying more for what used to be economical before. It happened twice, once with cookies and once with a bottle of jam and since then, I've been checking price tags even at Lidl. Well, I do visit other supermarkets too but I'm a bargain hunter, so I buy only if there is a special deal/offer.

    You are a good friend Sneha and I wish you all the best.


  2. Hey Sneha....how are you !!!??
    long time :)
    I can totally relate to what you have written.
    It is good to be alone away from judgemental people.

    And your bai sounds cool.
    say hi to your bai! :)

  3. Wonderfully expressed. I can totally relate to everything you said. I used to be terrified of living alone, being alone, managing my life alone. But it's not tough, and it's very empowering.

  4. Love what you have written!
    When I "have" to dine alone, I used to "pretend" to read while waiting for the food.
    Now I just fiddle with my handphone, deleting pictures, reading the news etc... lol..

  5. was the title inspired by the movie 'Lobsters' ?