Once a friend of mine from Mumbai was talking about how she is going to visit her mother's house after a really long time. I told her that she would be getting a tight hug from her mother today. She looked at me like I had lost my marbles. We spent the next 15 minutes discussing about the standard code of greetings at everyone's respective homes. We also pulled in a friend from Kerala. Both Mumbai and Kerala friends were non hug-ers and scrunched up their noses at this too-close-for-my-comfort kind of greeting. I kept my kashmiri mouth shut but my mind wandered to this scene where my nani engulfed me in tight hugs multiple times a day, whenever I came out of my room. Moist kisses on hands and forehead as a bonus!
As a kashmiri, hugging is a standard code of conduct. No questions asked. No eyebrows raised. You meet an aunty/uncle for a first time? You hug them, if they are feeling generous - they will plant a kiss on your forehead, a myouth. You go visit someone - you hug them all, while coming and going. Or else they will feel you are aloof and non-loving. You are getting married? Well, best of luck. Sitting on the stage, you will be smothered in hugs and kisses while you sit pretty and pose. Now all was well with our kashmiri hugs or naalmout as we call it, but then covid happened.
In a world where we shrink away from a handshake, good old naalmout is totally out of questions. But years of programing cannot be erased completely now is it? So some of the meetings post corona have been awkward for us kashmiri's, comical even. You meet, approach and take the embrace stance but then realization strikes and now you are in a weird pose of a bird about to take flight. This is now proceeded by uncomfortable tap tap on the shoulder or an even awkward single arm side hug. And then we take seat, all the time contemplating whether you were rude not to hug or inconsiderate to go so near and touch someone in the pandemic times. My naani however is not bothered, when I refuse to present my forehead she takes my hands instead and plants her bountiful kisses on them.
Apart from this being funny another reason for me to write about this was the fact that deep deep deep down - I do love this whole naalmout deal. A tight hug is sometimes all we need to express how happy we are to meet each other. Longer the squeeze happier the heart. With so many of our rituals and practices slowly going extinct, I guess we should tightly hold onto whatever we can manage to and pass it on to the next generation. It is after-all all these nuances that keep the kashmiri in us irrespective of where we are.
Talking about myself - I love hugs. Period. Though never been a fan of the forced kisses but kinda missing those wet myouth's on the forehead. Here's to Covid free and full of hugs 2022. Please be kind (and mild!).
Lots of Love:
Sepo
You are right. Expressing love through kiss and hugs is important.
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