Not Proud To Be An Indian Today

They say a severe storm comes after a long period of calmness. This has exactly been the case in our country for the crimes related to women. Whenever I open up the newspaper, I am able to spot at least one crime against women without any fail. It may range from eve teasing to assault or rape but it's present. Its position in the newspaper may range from first page to maybe somewhere in between but it's present. The place of the crime may vary from cities to small towns but it's present.

The people I guess (including women) have got used to the occurrence of such crimes. Just like we have accepted other issues like price inflation "chalta hai" attitude. It kills me to write a sentence like this but sadly it is the truth. I will talk about myself and say that yea these crimes have failed to irk me in the last 6 months.The only reason for this can be indifference. The indifference crops up from the repetition of such crimes at an alarming speed and not just in Delhi now.

The latest amongst the lot, rape of a girl in a private bus has awakened everybody from there hiatus. I mean this is so much in your face. How can anybody have the audacity to commit a crime of this nature? They obviously don't have any respect for women, but do they have no fear of law? Even after 60 year of Independence and all the glorious work that our country has been doing, this is where we stand. I am sorry to state this but I am highly ashamed and petrified of staying in a country like this.

What kind of an example are we setting? What message is it giving to all the women and there worried parents? Who are these people committing these crimes? Are they unemployed and frustrated? Does that really matter? Why is every criminal given an excuse of being unemployed? Does unemployment automatically give you an excuse of going berserk.If the state of things remains the same, that day will not be far when girls will be forced to stay home and we will be back from where we started.

Every time such a crime takes place, the coming weeks will all packed up with the story splashed on media and print. Celebrities and politicians condemning the act. But after a few days everything dies out and is replaced by something else. Why do we need such crimes to keep happening for us to react. What are measures we have in place to curb them? Or how informed are the women. If you ask me I am clueless of what I should do if God forbidding I ever find myself in this position. I do know there is an emergency number 100 but what that does or does anyone even attend to it, I don't know. I have no toll-free numbers and I don't even know the nearest police station or it's number. You may have already guessed, but yea I don't carry any weapon or spray.

These are all the loopholes. I am sure I am not alone here, we all think that this is something that will never happen to us. But the recent acceleration in crimes have different stories to tell. Your security guard, public transport, cabs, hell not even your own home is a safe place. It is good to be cautious and always on your toes.

My sincere request to all the ladies, be equipped and safe. Avoid being alone late and it hurts to say but yes dress modestly. Keep in mind the kind of place and the company you have. Most importantly trust your instincts. Complain and raise a hue and cry even if you only sense something is wrong. Don't wait for the disaster to happen. My request to all the guys out there, please make sure you take care of your friends, colleagues and acquaintances. Walk them home or drop them off or whatever it takes to make sure the safety. Do your bit, it helps.

P.S I was suffering from what is popularly known as writer's block along with a severe bout of laziness. I was unsure of how and when I was going to write again, if at all. But thankfully I am back and man, this feels good. Someone rightly said that A pen is mightier than sword. I feel I have already won half the battle.

Take Care Everyone

Of the Hiatus and Other Things

Well, first things first. It feels amazingly awesome to write again. I know that I have been missing from the blogging front since a long time now. I am also aware that my comments on your respective blog posts are also missing. But the best thing that I happen to know by far is that fact that you guys missed me. The sweet messages on mails, Facebook and in comments never failed to bring a big smile on my face.Saying I was flattered would be an understatement. Now coming back to my long absence, it was a little deliberate and a little circumstantial.

Every break that I take in blogging only strengthens my love for it. Trust me all the time I was away my mind would more often than not wander to thoughts of what all I would blog about once I get back. There are so many thinks to share and so many topics to talk about. There sure is going to be a lot to write for me and a lot to read for you. Even I have a lot of reading to do catching up on all your blogs.

It is really amazing on how every teeny-weeny thing changes into something substantial when you want to try and look at it from a different perspective. There will be volumes to write about a scene from your window when it's raining outside, the pleasant calm feeling of lazying around on a Sunday with a great cup of coffee. Simple things in life are usually the best ones.

So, ending this post right here and promising to come up with many more it's me signing off for now. Take Care all of you :)
   

The (SMS) Silly Me Syndrome

I read this piece of article long back and it striked such a chord that I have not been able to forget it since then. The article as is evident from the title talked about the Silly Me Syndrome found amongst the fairer sex. It is the thing of acting silly and dumb in front of guys to impress them by inflating their already bursting male ego (JK!). My immediate reaction on reading this was of a strong disagreement. My mind was crowded with memories of all those fights in college and otherwise to prove the fact we girls are superior and better in every respect to boys. But then the more I thought about this article the more clearer it started to become.

In fact I recalled a few occasions where in even I have behaved in a similar way. But there is a difference, a girl will behave silly and dumb only in front of a guy she likes. Pretending not to notice a pronunciation mistake but cringing inside is an example. I don't know the reason behind it but they say that it has been programmed into our system since, well, old times. As a proof I present to you the following quotes penned down in old times and for that matter by foreign authors.

"A woman, especially, if she has the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can."

Jane Austen

Another one by Magaret Atwood:

“All you have to do, I tell myself, is keep your mouth shut and look stupid. It shouldn't be that hard.”

Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid's Tale

Now the question is why would a self respecting, confident woman behave like a total idiot just because she is talking to a man who happens to look good. I have observed a change in many women when they talk to men. They will laugh even at the silliest of their jokes and listen attentively to any pieces of wisdom that they happen to share. Any man would love this trait in his girlfriend/wife.

Since time immemorial men have detested smart, intelligent and successful women. They always come across as a serious threat to the men folk. Now this is why the trend of marrying young girls came into practice. Sadly this brutal practice continues to carry on and has no chance of changing in near future. Men always prefer to marry younger girls, who are still unsure and clueless about what to do in life. Before they get any chance to think about things like future, career, job, bank balance they are married off. And before they realize it, the rosy honeymoon period is over and they are huge in both size and responsibilities. The problem with marrying girls of same age group is that they are mature, smart and in every respect as successful as their male counterparts. Hence it leaves a doubt on who will wear the pants in the marriage. And if by any chance the girl is in any way stronger than the guy professionally (read salary) that's the end of it all.

So lets take a realistic example and get to the RCA (root cause analysis) of this issue in question. The scenario is such that as soon as I reach the ripe old age of 23 (that’s my current age) my parents  relatives, neighbours and every distant persons starts fretting over my single status and leave no stone unturned to find a suitable guy for me. Now the interesting part is that all the candidates for my husband-to-be will be atleast 3-4 years older than me, because guys my age are busy setting down and taking time to built career.  Well, my career and choice do not matter as long I cut a pretty picture for the matrimonial sale. Now if by chance I rebel all this and refuse to be victimised I will again be standing at crossroads when after 4 years with 28 years of wisdom I will be an old meat in the matrimony market. Guys older to me will already be happily married and guys my age will be busy looking for the 22 & 23 years old.

So where does that leave me and thousands of girls whose aspirations and dreams get sacrificed because of this mad scenario. This whole thing has led to the SMS Syndrome thing. I refuse and detest being associated with a man who chooses to be with dimwits to boost his ego. Wouldn’t an ideal marriage be one in which two individuals are equal, where the guy respects not commands. Where decisions are taken together (we are not talking about “what-to-cook-for-dinner” type decisions here). And a world which does not ridicule and call names like sissy to the man who happens to love and respect his lady. *Sigh* So much for equally and some respect. I somehow feel that it will take another century to change the scenario we are living in.

I will end the post with some more disheartening quotes.

“If men could see us as we really are, they would be a little amazed; but the cleverest, the acutest men are often under an illusion about women: they do not read them in a true light: they misapprehend them, both for good and evil: their good woman is a queer thing, half doll, half angel; their bad woman almost always a fiend.”

Charlotte Brontë, Shirley

“A wife should always be few feet behind her husband. If he is an MA you should be a BA.If he is 5'4'tall you shouldn't be more than 5'3'tall. If he is earning five hundred rupees you should never earn more than four hundred and ninety nine rupees.That's the only rule to follow if you want a happy marriage...No partnership can ever be equal.It will always be unequal, but take care it is unequal in favor of the husband. If the scales tilt in your favor, God help you, both of you.”

Shashi Deshpande

Animal Unleashed

“Now, should we treat women as independent agents, responsible for themselves? Of course. But being responsible has nothing to do with being raped. Women don’t get raped because they were drinking or took drugs. Women do not get raped because they weren’t careful enough. Women get raped because someone raped them.”

 Jessica Valenti, The Purity Myth: How America's Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women

Since the last few days my mind has been pre-occupied with the dark and gory crimes I seem to be reading everywhere. Few days back I read this article a friend had shared on facebook. It highlighted the plight of young Muslim girls’ victim to molestation by none other than their Quran teacher. When confronted the teacher called the poor girls "possessed by some demon" which further elevated their agony by hands of their parents.

Another story I read was of an uncle promising young school girls easy money and dragging them into sex trade. The uncle took counselling sessions and explained to the girls that what he wanted them to do was nothing but a game by means to which they will always earn. The children vulnerable at this age and in a condition to withstand the peer pressure are an easy prey and easily surrender to these type of demands.

The hattrick to this was the story of gruesome murder of Pallavi (a lawyer) by her guard. What is happening in the world around us? If you can't even sleep peacefully at your own home, then where else can you feel safe? The situation of living on a sharing basis does not allow you to lock the doors before you sleep. People will come at different times and it is not possible to keep ringing the bell and expecting someone to open it. So where does that leave people like us? I am startled by thinking of so many times I and my flatmates have slept without locking the door. The thought of what all could have happened gives me Goosebumps.

The shocking death of Pallavi has sent panic waves not just in Mumbai but across the whole country. Mumbai is supposed to be the safest city for women. Girls can roam on the streets of Mumbai as late as midnight. I have on many occasions travelled alone and with friends in wee hours of night without thinking twice. But now I will surely stop and think twice before taking any such step. The feeling of being vulnerable is not at all a good one. The fact that even though you are independent you still need a man by your side for your safety. The feeling of helplessness when someone touches you in an obscene way in a crowded place and you can't do a thing about it.

 Believe me I have also tried the other way and fell straight on my face. Once at a crowded station I made the mistake of shouting at a man who happened to grope me from behind. After a few unpleasant exchanges, the man came straight to abuses. Now while I may exchange some hardcore cuss words playfully with my buddies sometimes, I am not a public abuser. Hence I could do nothing but stare blankly at my well armed opponent. The best way to dodge an accusation from a girl - start shouting loud and obscene abuses.

I don't even want to get into the what-did-the-other-people-standing-there-do part. The spectators will always to what they have to. Watch with no participation, active or otherwise. I am sure that there is not even a single girl in India who has not been touched in an obscene way atleast once in her lifetime. And please it has got nothing to do with the way we dress and attract attention. I have a few questions for people who seem to think so. What makes you think that a girl will dress while thinking "Yes, let me wear that and get raped" or "Yea, this one is good to get raped". Also if we are dressing provocatively, does that automatically give you licence to rape? If that is the case the crime rate against women should be the highest in those exotic foreign locale beaches where women freely roam around wearing bikinis. I am not promoting provocative dressing here but all I am saying is that in a democratic country, a person should atleast be free to choose and wear the clothes that they want to. When men do not think twice before stepping out freely in boxers or proudly decorating the public walls with their urine why should a woman think about the whole society while doing a simple activity of choosing her clothes?

This debate can go on forever but the bottom line is, what is the solution of all this? What is the solution of the fact that my parents are freaking the hell out since they heard about the Pallvi case. What is the solution of their and thousand other parents’ anxiety who constantly worry about their daughters safety. Why doesn't a person fear the consequences of an act as gruesome as this? If it would have been upon me I would call for a capital punishment for this heinous crime (no I am not inspired by Gangs of Wasseypur).

While reading various links on this very topic I came across N number of reasons a person would commit the crime of raping. They ranged from anger to power and from revenge to sadistic pleasure. I was surprised to see that Lust did not feature in this list even though it is perceived to be one of the strongest reasons behind rape

The theory that really stuck with me was that still in some societies women are perceived as mere objects of pleasure. It is usually that the people from this background cannot stand women being successful and outgoing. Interesting stuff. So after 65 years of Independence and with all the big talk of women empowerment we come plunging back to history where women has no respect, no rights and no safety.

The Kashmiri in Me – Part 3

By now you all must be well aware of the fact that I am a lot into cooking at this stage of my life than I was, well any other time before. Anyways so after my usual cooking escapades which by the way can be found here and here I have now officially ventured into the Kashmiri style of cooking.

I was always somehow very apprehensive about venturing into this department, I felt intimidated by the pressure. Being a kashmiri, my kashmiri cooking should be impeccable right? Anyhow my very small dip into this huge sea has managed to raise my confidence level and culinary skill to a very decent level. The best thing about authentic Kashmiri cooking is that it requires no onion no tomatoes no garlic or ginger, just the stuff, a dash of Kashmiri spices and you are good to go!

So my tryst with kashmiri cooking has been for the following three dishes:

1. Roganjosh (Red Mutton) : This dish was brought to Kashmir by Mughals. The dish is very easy to make and heavenly in taste. I will share the simple recipe of preparing. Please note that this is not the authentic recipe of the dish. The authentic dish involves the use of a lot many spices and secret ingredients!

Heat some oil in a pressure cooker. Once the oil is sufficiently hot add some cumin seeds and let them flutter. Then add the mutton pieces and fry them until light brownish in color. Now add some Kashmiri red chilli powder, souf powder and ginger (sonth) powder. Mix it properly and let is cook on medium flame for about 3,4 minutes. Now add about half a cup of water so that all pieces of mutton are sufficiently covered. Now cover the lid and let it cook until two whistles (depends on the meat in question and how you like to eat it: soft or hard!) . The end product should look something like the picture shows below:

This is nothing compared to what it looks like when my mother makes it!

2. Masch (Minced Mutton Keema) : These are delicious koftas prepared from the minced mutton. The layman recipe can be found below:

To the minced mutton, add some  Kashmiri red chilli powder, souf powder and ginger (sonth) powder, roasted cumin and some oil. Mix all the ingredients well and form small round balls which should look somewhat like the picture below:

Once the balls are made keep them aside and in a vessel heat some oil and add little of all the masalas. Do not overheat the oil or the masalas will burn out (like they did for me the first time I tried making it!). Add water to this mixture and slowly add the mutton balls into it taking care not to break them. Cook until the oil starts to separate out and the gravy appears to be thicker.

Both are dishes (Roganjosh & Masch) are savored best with plain white rice:

3. Gogji (Turnips) : Turnips are one of the majorly used vegetables in kashmiri cuisine. They are made as it is, with meat, with lotus stems, with kidney beans and the list is endless. I made my turnips as it. Eaten with curd and curd, this is the simplest and best-est meal ever!

Peel and cut the turnips into thin slices. Heat some oil in a pressure cooker and add some cumin. Now add the sliced turnips and fry until a little brown. Add salt and ginger (sonth) powder. Now add some water so that it covers up the the turnips. Give 2-3 whistles and you are good to go.

Would love to hear about our experiments/experiences with the Kashmiri Cuisine. 

p.s The part 1 & part 2 of this post can be seen here and here

Single & Footloose

There is something so liberating about being on your own. Just imagine no unwanted questions no tiresome explanation. You act and face the repercussions. Fair and square. Right?

There are many other benefits of being on your own. Well, you can cook whatever you want to and most importantly eat it the way you want and not care about what others think. You can wear whatever you want to : shorts, skirts, toothpaste stained clothes, the options are endless. The best thing according to me is taking decision at the spur of the moment. No one to stop while you indulge yourself in extravagant shoes or want to take a mindless trip somewhere far off.

I recently was in a situation which allowed me to be a little crazy, a little careless and a little foolish. This Saturday I was feeling more lazy than usual. After a lazy brunch, surfing internet and just about the enter the sleep mode I suddenly had an idea. What not watch Cocktail?

The movie was planned with my roomies and ex roomies for next week. But WTH I was bored and not-so-sleepy. So I started checked show timings at 2:45PM. The next closest show was at 3:20PM, I challenged myself to make it on time, so I ran and grabbed my black jeans and some random top, plastered my unruly hair with a hair band and off I went. Fought for an autorickshaw and reached the star cinema in the vicinity of my place at 3:05PM *WOW*. Only to find a long, well queue. I would still have made but damn houseful at 3:20PM show.

In my excitement to catch the movie, I totally forgot to stop and think that if I do not make it to the 3:20Pm show, I will go mad because the next show was only at 4:30PM. Well as they say whatever happens, happens for good! Never mind 3:20Pm, I took the tickets for 4:30PM. So what if I have to kill 1 hour alone...huh Big deal! One can always indulge in some window shopping and to my good luck the multiplex is right there in a mall.

This window shopping actually cost me close to 1500 bucks, but then who's complaining? I had fun (and additions to my wardrobe) and that is what matters the most. So after shopping with one medium popcorn and one small coke I entered the theatre premises. In case I forgot to mention it before, it was my first time of watching a movie alone. So I was a little uncomfortable sitting between a family and a couple. A little awkward: Yes but boring: No. I had a lot of fun all by myself. The movie was meh, if you must know. But the trip was awesome and I plan to do it more frequently! Why do you need company when you have YOU!

It’s fun being single and footloose in the city :-)

The Different Kinds of Readers

It’s been close to two years of blogging for me and it has been a wonderful fulfilling sort of an experience for me. I have come to know so many people from different backgrounds across borders. It is amazing to know that so many people across the world share your likings, love what you read and write so that you can read! Its a very unusual and a very special kind of a relationship which I hugely love and respect.

Blogging has also brought me face-to-face with different categories of readers. I mean it’s like there are three to four broad categories in which you can fill all your readers/commenter’s/followers. Just like each individual is different in nature, the reason for blogging for people can also be different. In fact there is a whole range of blogs out there.. name it and you got it:

Fashion Blogs - Check!
Food blogs - Check!
Poems - Check!
Romantic ones - Check!
Real estate - Check!
Art Blogs - Check!
Photo Blogs - Check!
MP3 and Video Blogs - Check!
Personal ones - Check!
Health Blogs   - Check! 
Educational Blogs   - Check! 
Music Blogs   - Check!  

The list as you see is very generic in nature. Each category will/can have sub categories as well. So in nutshell the whole scenario is wide spread and there is so much to read and write in this sphere. Over the years I have been noticing the comments on my blog/and others very closely. Suddenly today just like that out of the blue I started putting the different types of comments and their authors into various categories in my mind. The whole exercise was fun and even funny at some places, So I immediately opened up my word and decided to blog about this. Please read on to find the amusing categories:

The Genuine ones
These readers are mostly your oldest followers who eagerly wait for your post. They will make sure that they leave true and genuine comments behind. They are the reason you are still on blogging sphere. It is only because of these people that blogging is so fun. It like we have a whole new community out here. A different circle of friends and these people are an integral part of that circle. They will know a little bit of your personal life, likes and dislikes which makes them the most special readers.

The you-read-mine-so-I-have-to-read-yours ones
These readers will read and comment on your blog only because you do the same. You miss one post of theirs and they will do the same. The relationship with them is strictly business. Give and take. The information they know about you is strictly restricted to your online name and the name of your blog. There is no possibility for any kind of personal contact or touch with these readers

The I-am-reading-yours-so-you-better-read-mine ones
These readers are basically the reverse of the previous category. They will comment on your blog only because they want you to do the same. So they will watch you closely, if you respond well the relationship (read: business transaction) continues smoothly. However if they notice that while they are commenting and you are not reverting back, well you can pretty much expect them to stop commenting and reading your posts.

The-I-follow-you-you-follow-me ones
I can bet this that every blogger has received (or commented) a comment of this nature sometime or the other. This we all know is entirely for the purpose of increasing one's followers. I personally have nothing against such comments that’s because I have been there done that. Initial days of blogging are very critical. A correct way of starting will take you very far. Followers will increase your confidence and boost up your enthusiasm to a great extend. So if you look at it this way (the way I choose to see it) you may not find this type of comments irritating or unwanted!

The-silent-admirers
They are the mysterious readers who leave behind no clue of their existence. You can track their locations via different widgets but there contact details are still unclosed. The silent stalkers you have to agree are the most special types of readers, right? 

This post is a result of my hard-work and great observing skills. I am sure many, most or maybe all of you will agree and smile at this post of mine :)

Do share your own experiences and categories if any! I will be eagerly waiting hear to hear from y'all!

Love:

SEPO