Life behind the Veil

A country cries

Its people scream

A cry for help

Falling from the sky

Leaving everything behind

Men have fought for it

Won it, abused it

Bombed it and destroyed

It has tried to rebuilt itself 

Women have emerged

Against the force

To breathe

An unhindered kabul fragnance 

Of ripe pomegranates and juicy grapes

They have made peace with high heels

Nailpainted toes peeking out

Smiling without fear

Kneading dough for naan

While listening to music

A morning they wake up to a news

Which will change their lives again

For worst

Music is stopped

Heels are tucked away

Venturing alone is not allowed

The breaths are hindered again

Back to living behind the blue veil

Gridded vision and lost dreams.

A country cries

Its people scream

The House I Never Saw

There was once a house

Which stood tall on the street 

It was three storyed they say

In the beautiful valley

It had an attic

Which overlooked the entire street

The family loved sitting here in winters

Keeping an eye on the street

While relishing apples with walnuts

Three generations lived here

Aunts and uncles 

Sisters and brothers

Nephews and nieces

There was a sour cherry tree

In the courtyard

Dad climbed the tree and threw them down

My sister stretched her frock to catch them

A tangy chutney used to be made

Which could be eaten with just plain rice

That's what they say

If I close my eyes and concentrate

I can almost taste the tartness

In winters the home diety was revered 

A day specifically to feed the gods

Spicy fish and rice

Gods visit each home and protect it 

Unrest and destruction 

Had found its way into the valley

In the dark of the morning

Occupants of the house fled

Never to return again

My generation never got to see that house

Or catch and taste the sour cherries

We did not grow up with three generations 

But we keep feeding the gods

We carry a piece of valley with us

I have my own image of that house

The one I never saw

I wonder if it still stands tall on the street? 

Stories by Rabindranath Tagore

Do you remember back  when we were in school? During summer vacations we would watch old mythological and other stories with a message to teach. Or sit together with friends or cousins listening intently to your grandparents reciting various stories. That's exactly how I felt watching this extremely well made and beautiful series called Stories by Rabindranath Tagore.

As you might have guessed by the name, the series is based on stories of Rabindranath Tagore ji. While some of them are popular and already been pictured many times - like Chokher Bali, Kabuliwala etc. Many of the others were pretty unknown to me. And I loved each one of them more than the other.

The star cast baring for a few (Radhika Apte, Amrita Puri, Sumeet Vyas) are mostly new faces, which works wonderfully in the favour of the stories. I would say more than the acting and the picturization, it is the very essense of these stories that makes the entire series stand out. Like I mentioned before these are simple stories,  no major suspense or heist or explicit content and yet they bring out varied human emotions and nuances beautifully. And the best part is the strong female characters in almost all of the stories, who not not afraid to strand up for themselves. Considering the fact that the series in based in 1920s, and the stories were written even before that - you will love how progressive the stories are.

The cinematography perfectly matches the old school charm of the series. Everything from the sets, clothes, dialect will take you back in time and share some bits of Bengal. But then its directed by Anurag Basu, can you expect anything else?

On an exceptionally cold foggy sunday, I sat cuddled in my kashmiri pheran and cup of hot coffee in my hand. I was browsing Netflix for a perfect companion and settled on " Stories by Rabindranath Tagore ". Easily the best decision I ever made. I sat glued in my place for next 2 days and devoured and relished the entire series. Do not miss this beauty of a series, which will not only transport you back in time but also teach a few morals on the way. 

The People Who Left Everything Behind

What makes us fear things?
The Future? Our family and children?
Unpredictability?
Anxiety? A disturbed mind?

Danger to oneself and family?

Fear of stepping out and living peacefully?

Fear of practicing your religion?

Fear of wearing the clothes, jewellery or makeup that highlight your identity?

Sudden blackouts and loudspeakers from mosques blaring, asking you to convert or flee?

Witnessing killings of prominent members from your community?

Threatening posters stuck outside your homes?

Asking you to leave but keep your women behind?

Rapes of women, infants being killed?

Is this enough to instill fear? Or was/is more needed.

What option would a sane person be left with? Stay? Or leave? Maybe come back once things normalize (only its been more than 30 years, and things on the ground level remain the same).

Belonging to a community that has time and again been branded as cowards, who ran away - I have many times thought about possible solutions or workarounds we had as a minority group in Kashmir. The exodus of 90s was not a sudden affair. As I hear from my parents and relatives, the air in Kashmir was very different months from the dark night of Jan 1990. There was something in the atmosphere, you could not exactly pin point to but feel. There was apprehension and fear. Dapan keh chu gasan wol. Everyone came home early, doors were carefully locked, utmost caution was taken but yet no-one in their wildest dream could have envisioned that they are actually spending their last few months as inhabitants of this land they so dearly loved. 

Soon it started, 14 September 1989 Tika Lal Thaploo - a prominent kashmiri pandit was killed.

Soon after Neekanth Ganjoo, a high courst judge was killed.

Early January 1990, local newspapers carried a message which threatened all Hindu's to leave Kashmir.

Almost in every neighborhood posters were stuck, with threats and names of people on the Hit List.

19th January, the black day in history - in the middle of the night loudspeakers from the mosques called for killings of Hindu's. Asking pandit men to go from kashmir but leave their women behind. Chaliv. Raliv ya Galiv for the motto and one of the slogan. Leave, Convert or Die. Like Sophie's Choice for us.

In Feb 1990, Satish Tikoo a social worker was shot dead.

Soon, Lassa Kaul Director of Srinagar Doordarshan was killed.

In April, Sarwanand Kaul Premi, a poet was murdered.

In June, Girija Tickoo, a teacher was raped and tortured. Her abdomen was ripped and using a saw machine her body was cut in two. Can you imagine the situation being reversed and in this time and era - the kind of wrath it would invoke? I can already see film stars holding placards for the photo ops.

The above mentioned killings are just a few prominent ones, there were many many such incidents of killing, looting and rapes. In a time where there were no telephones or means of communications - my parents tell me they had sleepless nights. Praying fervently that all near and dear ones had made it through the night. After a lot of thought and discussions, many families including mine decided to leave. And no, Governor Jag Mohan or "Indian Agencies" did not ask us to leave as is very conveniently put by the people of Kashmir. 

What else were we supposed to do? How do you argue or face a religious maniac with a gun? There can only be one voice - the sound of the bullet killing you. In the late eighties many of the young Kashmiri Muslims had crossed over to Pakistan to receive training and AK-47s. Young, fueled with religious fanaticism, given guns - they were blood thirsty. Kashmir Pandits were their targets. Yasin Malik, Bitta Karate have confessed on record to killing Kashmiri pandits. Even boasted that they never missed their targets. Needless to say, they received a lot of support from the locals. Treated to lunches and dinners. And so as not to offend them and hence have their wrath on them - the locals never openly condemned the killings of Kashmiri Pandits. But I don't need to tell you all this. The entire world saw what happened in Kashmir in 2006 when Burhan Wani was killed.

Even after the mayhem of 1990 some Hindu families stayed back. But they were given timely reminders that Hindu's are not to stay in Kashmir. Wandhama and Nadimarg massacres in year 1998 and 2003 were an example of this. Kashmir Hindu's were lined up and killed. Even little kids and women were not spared. The youngest casualty was a 2 year old boy. Let that sink in.

ML Bindroo, a chemist who had a very popular medical shop in Kashmir was shot while at work on October 5 2021. This was to be the 5th of the total 7 targeted killings across Kashmir. Even teachers (including a woman) were not spared. People working for the majority on ground level for the betterment of people in Kashmir - ironies of all ironies. How is killing a human being still tolerated? Why are educated people silent about it. At this point I am not even talking about religious angle, is a Human life not worth anything if it doesn't benefit one politically?

The selective silence of the very active "Kashmir Bleeds" brigade is deafening. The people who make hue and cry about human rights violation, internet shutdown and the general "azadi" hullabaloo have zipped their lips and pens. I know, because I have been stalking them obsessively. 

The recent killing could not have come at a worst time. I was reeling under a Kashmir hangover. While I was born there, we left when I was 1 year old. I had visited once in 2000 when my father was posted there. But when I went again just last month, it personally felt like a homecoming. I was drowned in the exquisite beauty of untouched places and felt an unexplainable joy of calling this beauty my motherland. I literally felt at home amongst the ethos of the city. The food, the language, the jokes, the idioms everything was a part of me. I clicked thousands of pictures with traditional outfits.

I came back with memories, lot of happiness, resolutions and the sweet sound of Lidder flowing in my ears.

Only to be jostled with the disheartening news. The pictures, smiles, the Pherans - everything looks like a sham now. The once beautiful memories have now left a sour taste in my mouth. The actions have made it very clear that we can enjoy and experience Kashmir as long as we have a return ticket booked.

Can you feel the pain of visiting your motherland - the land of your deities and ancestors as a tourist?

Love:

Sepo

Afghanistan, Mariam & Laila

If you have been following this blog for long, you would know my obsession with Afghanistan and its people. Ever since I read A Thousand Splendid Suns which continues to be my most favorite book of all time, I have wanted to visit this country that has been traumatized again and again. You can find me rambling about the book and the country  here, here, here, here and here. I know it was/is an obsession. 

With the recent developments in Afghanistan combined with the heart wrenching pictures, I have just not stopped thinking about it. My heart goes out to its people. Especially women and children who are more vulnerable and innocent in all this. This country just does not get any breather. The moment things start to look up for them, a new invasion occurs. The take over by Taliban is however not like any other invasion. The set of rules they come up with are stifling just to hear, to be an actual witness to them is something most of us cannot even fathom. Herat, where at one point of time you could not even stretch a leg without hitting a poet is silent. Books, music, art are being burned. Kabul has lost its sheen. You will not spot women shopping or haggling with vendors. Even if you spot one, she will be accompanied by a man not her other women friends. Walking carefully so as not to trip in her burqa. Chapli kebabs stalls look empty. Fruits although fragrant just don't have the same sweetness.

Invariably I end up thinking about Mariam and Laila. How this news would have affected them? What would have been their reaction to this? I am sure Laila would be livid, angry at how they are closing up opportunities and schools for women. I won't be surprised if she still ventures out alone only to be sent back with lashes from the Taliban. Mariam would make her understand that no good can come out of her anger while applying ointment on her wounds. Aziza would join Mariam and both of them pray for better days. Laila's heart would be so full looking at them. Laila sees more and more of Mariam in Aziza every day. Zalmai is playing with the gun pretending to be Taliban. Laila scolds him and he goes running to Tariq. Tariq soothes him, they say the Babaloo prayer together and Zalmai goes to sleep.

Late in the night as Laila and Tariq lay together, they talk about Afghanistan and their future here. They can hear Mariam singing a lullaby to the children in the next room. Tariq suggests moving to Pakistan for some time, till things get better here. They could go to Muree again. Children would love the fresh air, goats, meadows and snow. Aziza could go to school again. But Laila wants none of it. "How can we betray our homeland like this". "Especially when it needs us the most". Laila wants to stay put, she says she will continue teaching both Aziza and Zalmai at home. They can definitely get books from the black market. there is always a way. They will find a way. Tariq is not so sure, but doesn't argue. He doesn't want to agitate her. Mariam's voice calms and soothes them. Aziza is saying something to Mariam in the next room which makes Mariam chuckle. Laila makes a note to ask what she said to Mariam tomorrow and falls asleep on Tariq's shoulder. 

None of them know what tomorrow might bring.

P.S - I know Mariam is no more, but I refuse to believe it. In my memory she lives on.

Love:

Sepo

The Superwoman Syndrome

Remember last year during the first lockdown, when all of us were suddenly deprived of the comfort that our respective helps bring? It was sure a difficult time for all. The scare of corona, truck loads of work and by work I mean all sorts of work imaginable and possible and to top it all up, everyone in the house traped together without any breaks what so ever.  

However after some time we all did get somewhat acquainted with the entire routine. Hell, we even cooked up different storms in the kitchen. Deprived of favorite foods and bored out of wits - everyone became a chef of sorts. People created pages on instagram to showcase their skills and all the deliciousness they were indulging in right from momos to samosas and everything in between.

It was around this time, right between Dalgona coffee and banana bread ~ that Amul created a cartoon acknowledging the support and extra work that womenfolk were doing. The said cartoon had a lady with a laptop and a kid besides her. She was probable on a work call, keeping an eye on the kid and his homework, while counting the whistles from the cooker in the background. 

I had shared this picture in all the social media handles, it felt good that someone acknowledged the efforts that women do, were doing and had done since forever.

Not realized it at that time but it was what our patriarchal  society has done for centuries. A pat on the back and encouragement to just go on. There are numerous marketing campaigns showcasing and praising the superwomens, super moms who just do it all. Have a career, take care of the kids, manage the homes, parents and inlaws, hit the gym, look like a million bucks and have it all together. With this comes immense pressure on others who question their very existence on why if she can do it why can't I. I can, I will and I must. And there you have it, the cartoon where the man is mysteriously missing. Probably giving his undivided attention to work.

The patriarchy is so deeply encrusted in our minds that we feel extremely guilty if we somehow falter in accomplishing these imaginary goals set for women. I remember having this feeling when I had to employ a cook because of an extremely busy time at work. What didnt help to easy the guilt were comments like "its not really that difficult to cook for two". And uncalled suggestions like "if you wake up early... ". Well have you thought for a second that maybe I dont want to wake up early? There is absolutely nothing wrong in either taking or hiring help. And no one, I repeat no one has the right to shame anyone for doing so.

There are still a lot of things and works that have a gender stereotype attached to it. Cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids is primarily the job of women. And if by any chance a man does invest or help - the woman is considered to be very "lucky". It has become my goal to shatter these gender based stereotypes. And also to NOT be the super woman. Nope. I don't aspire to be a overworked super women.  I'd rather be lazy and happy than be patted on my back and stressful. 

Ladies, please get your men into the kitchen and beyond.  Divide your responsibilities.  Create a chart, a schedule do what ever it takes. Create a good example for your kids. And whatever you do, please don't ask your daughters to get water for her brother. And eat the damn food with the guests, we really need to abolish the women-will-eat-later rule.

Love:

The un - superwomen

Sepo

Gilmore Girls

Have you ever lived in a small town? Somewhere where everyone knows everybody else. There is a lot of gossip and affection. There are different characters, some serious, some funny, some friendly and some irritating. But the presense of each one of them is what makes the whole small town thing cute. There are specific shop where you buy your stationary, your grocery, your cake and your cup of coffee. Now imagine a series centered around this small town with all these eccentric characters and an interesting story line - which takes you for a joyful ride for seven seasons and approximately 150 episodes. Thats Gilmore Girls in a nutshell for you!

Gilmore girls is essentially a story about mother daughter relationship, both named Lorelai, both fun, both coffee horders and junk food connoisseurs. A young mother, the elder Lorelai has a strained relationship with her own parents but must take their help for her brilliant daughter who aspires to be in an ivy league college. This sets up the theme of the series but trust me it has much more to offer. Interesting storylines, cool friends, emotional moments, the love lives of the girls and a very interesting insight into the American education system.

The younger Lorelia is into reading and you will get a lot of must read books from almost each episode. Plus the girls have a friday night movie marathon ritual with a lot of junk food ( well, obviously) which again will introduce you to a lot of classic hits. Almost every episode has a popular movie references which make it all the more interesting. A lot of music as well for all you pop music fanatics. And, a lot of learn in the food department as well - apart from the regular American pop tarts, cheeseburgers, pretzels, tarts and burritos, there are so many other interesting references. Sookie, who is elder Lorelie's best friend and an accomplished chef will have you drooling over her exotic food in many a scenes. I learned many new vegetables and dishes from this series. Namely, Artichoke, Sweetbread (don't google this! )

The series premeired in 2000, so you may find references to a lot of things we no longer use. A pager for example, or how marvelous is online shopping thought to be. But it just adds more vintage charm to the series. I recently started to re-watch Gilmore Girls to escape from all the negative news related to corona, and I must say it does not disappoint! I am enjoying it as much as I did when I saw it for  the first time. Ofcourse, it comes with its flaws - some story lines seem deliberate and unnecessary.  But overall it is an absolute entertainment package.

The series is bound to make you hungry, make sure to keep a big bag to chips right next to you when you start watching Gilmore Girls. And a cup of coffee. Maybe order a pizza while you are at it. Oh and some candy. Some chinese food couldn't hurt either. Umm some doughnuts. You see what the series does to you? Go start watching already!

Stay safe!

Love:

Sepo