There is a lot that goes about in schools apart from education and sports and all those extra curriculars. There is a lot of politics involved in who you sit with, eat with and mingle with. Who invites you to their birthday parties and who doesn’t. Ooo and birthday invitation cards matter too. If you have seen Mean Girls, you would understand what I am talking about. If you haven’t – Really? You haven’t? Hmph! Please go and watch this cult classic.
The point is, there is always a crème-de-la crème that exists constituting of the IT girls who everyone wants to be friends with. Now I am not sure about how things work in school colleges anymore – considering there are a lot of changes from the time when I was in school. There was no digitization, no corrupting TV series, no branded clothes, no coffee chains but there was definitely a hierarchy, a lot of group-ism with underlying bullying.
Of course, there was not much understanding on these aspects at that point of time but when I look back, I can totally see it through. The talks about clothes – lack of fashionable clothes mostly during an annual children’s day celebration which was really just a big fashion show. A lot of judgement was passed on till of course the next year and the cycle would continue. Fancy stuff in tiffins, cold drinks in water bottles, vacations at fancy places, occupation of parents – these are just tiny examples which led to a lot of peer pressure. To be fare our school never endorsed any of this. Apart from that one exception for the children’s day, we had to wear our uniforms always – even during PTMs. We were not allowed to wear any jewellery of any kind. Just simple tops for the ears. No chains. No rings. No colored hair. No residue of Kajal. No fancy hairdo. No Step cutting. No flicks. All this was very annoying back then, but when I think about it now… I feel grateful that my school and people involved there cared enough to make the schooling years as comfortable as they could for kids’ comings from different backgrounds.
If you think we leave this toxic culture of bullying, judging, comparing at schools, you are so wrong. This never really goes away. You will always be judged right from a simple dinner party you throw to the dress you choose to wear at someone’s wedding. The stuff you post online, the frequency, your photographs – everything will be discussed and dissected. Some people will even make it a point to bring it to your notice on how you have put on weight or how you are posting a picture of chicken on a Tuesday. Now it totally depends on how you choose to take it. Don’t give a damn about what people say. With age, an added set of responsibilities and an attitude like “You-don’t-pay-my -bills” helps. But it is not fool proof.
Toxic people have a knack on sneaking up on you at most normal of places. They even lurk at your workplaces. I had a real bad encounter with one at the start of my career. This person made a point to make my life at work miserable by a mixture of intimidation, personal comments and other tactics which I understood very late. So much so that I had nightmares about going to office. Panic attacks at the very mention of Mondays. I may also have contemplated leaving my job many a times all because of this person. There were also many crying calls made to friends. I saw this person fish out the same treatment to many other newcomers after me. Not standing up for myself and others, remains one of my biggest regrets ever. Years later I understood that this persons’ bad behavior stemmed up from deep rooted insecurity. An explained need to not feel unwanted or overthrown. Well, what can you really do about that? We are all wired a certain way. And some of us may not even know there’s a fault in the wiring for a long time.
While all this is part and parcel of life, the thing is how do we know where to draw the line? We all may have knowingly or unknowingly hurt someone by comments which we may have thought to be innocent. But how our words affect other person, we have no way to know. All of us are struggling with battles of our own. Some have body issues, some may have anxiety, others may be having an off time at office, some may be struggling to make peace with hormones gone haywire by PCOS. Then there are mood swings and thanks to Corona, most of our work life balance is crazy. All I want to say and practice myself is to be kind. Let’s stop the judgement at least during the pandemic. If someone decides to post a workout video – let them. Cooking escapades – give a like. If they want to play every goddamn challenge from Sarees to B&W pictures- its there wish. Anything that keeps them happy even if temporarily. Let everyone do whatever the hell they want to keep sane.
To be honest I really did not have anything to write about this month. But I was/am very serious about fulfilling my news years resolution of 12 posts this year. One for each month. So, while this month has been very fruitful in terms of my reading goals. There was not much inspo from the writing front. I usually decide on a topic well in advance and then spend many weeks formulating ideas in my brain on how and what needs to be included. And when I sit to write, I slowly elaborate on all the bullet points in my brain. But this time my brain was empty. In the past, during a writer block I usually pranced away to nice pretty café. And a gourmet sandwich and endless coffees later I would have at least a blueprint of a write-up.
Since going out is out of picture now, I did the next best thing – a strong cup of immunity booster tea, some romantic yellow lighting, questionable numbers of pillows to make myself comfy and back to back episodes of Good Girls on Netflix for that perfect background noise. Some time later I had the three paragraphs you read in the start. Not sure from where and which corner of my brain and heart it sprouted…but I have an inkling that it may have something to do with Sushant Singh Rajput’s suicide and the subsequent news items which have refused to die down since then. A part of it also came from this disclosure I read on how these big fashion magazines and brands – mostly led my these entitled young adults who feel they run the world – indulge in all kinds of shitty behavior.
All I can say to conclude this haphazard post is – Never do something that you may regret in future. Neither to yourself nor to someone else.
Live and let live
Love:
Sepo
Of course, there was not much understanding on these aspects at that point of time but when I look back, I can totally see it through. The talks about clothes – lack of fashionable clothes mostly during an annual children’s day celebration which was really just a big fashion show. A lot of judgement was passed on till of course the next year and the cycle would continue. Fancy stuff in tiffins, cold drinks in water bottles, vacations at fancy places, occupation of parents – these are just tiny examples which led to a lot of peer pressure. To be fare our school never endorsed any of this. Apart from that one exception for the children’s day, we had to wear our uniforms always – even during PTMs. We were not allowed to wear any jewellery of any kind. Just simple tops for the ears. No chains. No rings. No colored hair. No residue of Kajal. No fancy hairdo. No Step cutting. No flicks. All this was very annoying back then, but when I think about it now… I feel grateful that my school and people involved there cared enough to make the schooling years as comfortable as they could for kids’ comings from different backgrounds.
If you think we leave this toxic culture of bullying, judging, comparing at schools, you are so wrong. This never really goes away. You will always be judged right from a simple dinner party you throw to the dress you choose to wear at someone’s wedding. The stuff you post online, the frequency, your photographs – everything will be discussed and dissected. Some people will even make it a point to bring it to your notice on how you have put on weight or how you are posting a picture of chicken on a Tuesday. Now it totally depends on how you choose to take it. Don’t give a damn about what people say. With age, an added set of responsibilities and an attitude like “You-don’t-pay-my -bills” helps. But it is not fool proof.
Toxic people have a knack on sneaking up on you at most normal of places. They even lurk at your workplaces. I had a real bad encounter with one at the start of my career. This person made a point to make my life at work miserable by a mixture of intimidation, personal comments and other tactics which I understood very late. So much so that I had nightmares about going to office. Panic attacks at the very mention of Mondays. I may also have contemplated leaving my job many a times all because of this person. There were also many crying calls made to friends. I saw this person fish out the same treatment to many other newcomers after me. Not standing up for myself and others, remains one of my biggest regrets ever. Years later I understood that this persons’ bad behavior stemmed up from deep rooted insecurity. An explained need to not feel unwanted or overthrown. Well, what can you really do about that? We are all wired a certain way. And some of us may not even know there’s a fault in the wiring for a long time.
While all this is part and parcel of life, the thing is how do we know where to draw the line? We all may have knowingly or unknowingly hurt someone by comments which we may have thought to be innocent. But how our words affect other person, we have no way to know. All of us are struggling with battles of our own. Some have body issues, some may have anxiety, others may be having an off time at office, some may be struggling to make peace with hormones gone haywire by PCOS. Then there are mood swings and thanks to Corona, most of our work life balance is crazy. All I want to say and practice myself is to be kind. Let’s stop the judgement at least during the pandemic. If someone decides to post a workout video – let them. Cooking escapades – give a like. If they want to play every goddamn challenge from Sarees to B&W pictures- its there wish. Anything that keeps them happy even if temporarily. Let everyone do whatever the hell they want to keep sane.
To be honest I really did not have anything to write about this month. But I was/am very serious about fulfilling my news years resolution of 12 posts this year. One for each month. So, while this month has been very fruitful in terms of my reading goals. There was not much inspo from the writing front. I usually decide on a topic well in advance and then spend many weeks formulating ideas in my brain on how and what needs to be included. And when I sit to write, I slowly elaborate on all the bullet points in my brain. But this time my brain was empty. In the past, during a writer block I usually pranced away to nice pretty café. And a gourmet sandwich and endless coffees later I would have at least a blueprint of a write-up.
Since going out is out of picture now, I did the next best thing – a strong cup of immunity booster tea, some romantic yellow lighting, questionable numbers of pillows to make myself comfy and back to back episodes of Good Girls on Netflix for that perfect background noise. Some time later I had the three paragraphs you read in the start. Not sure from where and which corner of my brain and heart it sprouted…but I have an inkling that it may have something to do with Sushant Singh Rajput’s suicide and the subsequent news items which have refused to die down since then. A part of it also came from this disclosure I read on how these big fashion magazines and brands – mostly led my these entitled young adults who feel they run the world – indulge in all kinds of shitty behavior.
All I can say to conclude this haphazard post is – Never do something that you may regret in future. Neither to yourself nor to someone else.
Live and let live
Love:
Sepo
