The 50s was a glamorous time. The world recovering after the Second World War, was trying to put its best foot forward. Economy, style, glamour everything was making its presence felt. While the men were very suave in suits and hats (very Rhett Butler), the ladies weren’t that far behind. With their bright pouts, flowy dresses, narrow waists (achieved by the much hated corsets) women had the world at their pointy peep-toes. When Marilyn Monroe breathlessly hummed ‘Happy Birthday Mr President’, people were in awe of her beauty and splendor. Also of her dress which the legend has it was so tight that it had to be sewn while she was in it. The said dress was auctions for $4.8 million in 2016. The irony is that in spite of her huge popularity and fandom, Marilyn was highly underpaid and was constantly involved in legal hassles with Fox over her pay scale.
The point is under all the glamour, there was a very dark underbelly. This consisted of a very sexist and chauvinist society, which undermined women wherever possible. I got hold of few ads that released around this time. To state that they are appalling would be an understatement. If you don’t believe me, have a look yourselves.
The point is under all the glamour, there was a very dark underbelly. This consisted of a very sexist and chauvinist society, which undermined women wherever possible. I got hold of few ads that released around this time. To state that they are appalling would be an understatement. If you don’t believe me, have a look yourselves.
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| See what I mean? |
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| Woah, talk about someone walking all over you. |
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| Because good girls desire domestic appliances |
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| Saved the best for the last. So Mornidine controlled the symptoms of morning sickness..so that breakfast can be had. Rest? What rest? |
So after this very interesting visual, y’all must be thinking that we the women have come a long way. Definitely there are tremendous improvements that have taken place but the patriarchy system was not as easy to dissolve as one might think. Some things have got passed on from the old times and stuck like glue to our heads. Today women are flying planes and heading offices, they mandate equal respect and pay-scale. But some people still perceive women behind the hearth of domesticity. It doesn’t matter how hard to work, how important your position is, how mean a workout you indulge in, how many miles you run – if you are not quite the domestic goddess you might as well forget ever other achievement of yours. Now there are many women out there you accomplish all of this feat with aplomb. Many a times I read about these “superwomen” who wear these invisible capes and handle it all right from the boardroom to the bedroom (and the kitchen of course). More power to these women but just because they do it, it does not mean every women out there can or wants to do all of it. The real issue however sprouts when there is no choice and people just automatically expect it out of you.
I was recently out of town for office work. And that’s when I had this astonishing discovery to how misogynistic a society we live in. After the usual pleasantries, the very next question every other person asked me was “So, you are here, who’s taking care of your husband?” I answered dutifully the first few times, about how my husband is a very accomplished cook and can easily manage on his own. But as the frequency of this question increased, I was irritated to no end. I mean first of all, what goes inside my household is literally out of bounds for intrusion. Secondly even if some is very curious about it, it still is extremely wrong to assume and imply that I am responsible for cooking and taking care. And lastly why is the fact that guys can fend for themselves so difficult to digest? When paying the bills, maintaining the home, buying the groceries – every responsibility is equally divided why not the kitchen chores? What is it about the kitchen that seems to drive most of the men miles away from it and the activities associated with it.
While I do love cooking, I hate it when it’s implied or forced. I cook to unwind and enjoy the whole exercise of cutting, chopping, sauté’s and stirs. So once in a while when I am not up it we either order in or my husband cooks if he is up for it. For us, there is nothing wrong or special about this scenario. And no I don’t consider myself lucky that my husband cooks for me. This is simply what a marriage or any kind of relationship should be like. Division of labor. It is just so wrong to have this prejudice, what bothers me the most is that it mostly comes from educated gen X, gen Y gen Z and even the millennial. It may sound selfish but I think every person deserves some “me” time irrespective of his/her gender. Things like cooking/taking care/ etc etc should be done with love and not under a feeling of compulsion. After working for 9-10 hours continuously I sometimes crave some time to catch up on my reading or continue that Television series or simply laying on the bed. There is no way in hell I will allow anyone to make me feel guilty for this.
Or for eating khichdi when sick. So I had brought lentil/rice concoction for lunch to office when under a serious bout of cold. The moment I open my box this colleague of mine comments – “Oh so you are sick, your husband will also have to eat khichdi”. I was like “Whaaaaat”. I wanted to hit him with my snot covered handkerchief but somehow restrained myself. He also once made a hullabaloo when I accidentally exchanged husbands and my tiffin’s in a way that both of us had two same sabzi’s instead of two different ones. Like I got two boxes of pumpkin and he got two boxers of beans. The very next day the pesky colleague wanted to know how my husband reacted. I was again like “Whaaaaaat”. And if you must know too, husband did not even notice. He assumed I was feeling extra generous with the beans! While we are taking about office, one more gossip about a colleague who commented on a girl getting onsite opportunity, oh and yes she was married - “What she will do there, why they are initiating her visa. She should be with her husband and take care of him”. This time I was like “Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat”. Also I wonder why people have this huge fixation with “taking care of the husband”.
I try I provide level headed answers and examples whenever I am encountered by questions like these (which are plenty may I add). I hope my answers will give people a new perspective and they might start to think in a new and better direction. How much it actually helps is debatable but I try and do my part. We have come far from what women were subjected to and perceived to be. I am sure we can overcome this too some years down the line. Meanwhile we also need to break stereotypes like it’s the Men who should always pay the bills or do the heavy load work. Division of roles and responsibilities all the way :)
P.S When I read the whole thing I wrote for proof read, I realized it’s more like a rambling and less like a decent piece of writing. But as many of you may have observed I have had a very long dry spell on the blog. So this post is still going up, quality of content be dammed! Will try to improve and better my writing in the next one for sure.
Amen
Love:
Sepo
I was recently out of town for office work. And that’s when I had this astonishing discovery to how misogynistic a society we live in. After the usual pleasantries, the very next question every other person asked me was “So, you are here, who’s taking care of your husband?” I answered dutifully the first few times, about how my husband is a very accomplished cook and can easily manage on his own. But as the frequency of this question increased, I was irritated to no end. I mean first of all, what goes inside my household is literally out of bounds for intrusion. Secondly even if some is very curious about it, it still is extremely wrong to assume and imply that I am responsible for cooking and taking care. And lastly why is the fact that guys can fend for themselves so difficult to digest? When paying the bills, maintaining the home, buying the groceries – every responsibility is equally divided why not the kitchen chores? What is it about the kitchen that seems to drive most of the men miles away from it and the activities associated with it.
While I do love cooking, I hate it when it’s implied or forced. I cook to unwind and enjoy the whole exercise of cutting, chopping, sauté’s and stirs. So once in a while when I am not up it we either order in or my husband cooks if he is up for it. For us, there is nothing wrong or special about this scenario. And no I don’t consider myself lucky that my husband cooks for me. This is simply what a marriage or any kind of relationship should be like. Division of labor. It is just so wrong to have this prejudice, what bothers me the most is that it mostly comes from educated gen X, gen Y gen Z and even the millennial. It may sound selfish but I think every person deserves some “me” time irrespective of his/her gender. Things like cooking/taking care/ etc etc should be done with love and not under a feeling of compulsion. After working for 9-10 hours continuously I sometimes crave some time to catch up on my reading or continue that Television series or simply laying on the bed. There is no way in hell I will allow anyone to make me feel guilty for this.
Or for eating khichdi when sick. So I had brought lentil/rice concoction for lunch to office when under a serious bout of cold. The moment I open my box this colleague of mine comments – “Oh so you are sick, your husband will also have to eat khichdi”. I was like “Whaaaaat”. I wanted to hit him with my snot covered handkerchief but somehow restrained myself. He also once made a hullabaloo when I accidentally exchanged husbands and my tiffin’s in a way that both of us had two same sabzi’s instead of two different ones. Like I got two boxes of pumpkin and he got two boxers of beans. The very next day the pesky colleague wanted to know how my husband reacted. I was again like “Whaaaaaat”. And if you must know too, husband did not even notice. He assumed I was feeling extra generous with the beans! While we are taking about office, one more gossip about a colleague who commented on a girl getting onsite opportunity, oh and yes she was married - “What she will do there, why they are initiating her visa. She should be with her husband and take care of him”. This time I was like “Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat”. Also I wonder why people have this huge fixation with “taking care of the husband”.
I try I provide level headed answers and examples whenever I am encountered by questions like these (which are plenty may I add). I hope my answers will give people a new perspective and they might start to think in a new and better direction. How much it actually helps is debatable but I try and do my part. We have come far from what women were subjected to and perceived to be. I am sure we can overcome this too some years down the line. Meanwhile we also need to break stereotypes like it’s the Men who should always pay the bills or do the heavy load work. Division of roles and responsibilities all the way :)
P.S When I read the whole thing I wrote for proof read, I realized it’s more like a rambling and less like a decent piece of writing. But as many of you may have observed I have had a very long dry spell on the blog. So this post is still going up, quality of content be dammed! Will try to improve and better my writing in the next one for sure.
Amen
Love:
Sepo
