Note to self - 10 things I simply cannot do

Dear Future-Me,
Please take note of the following points.

1. Wear white – Although I love the colour and the grace that flows out of it, I have my issues with it. There is just no way I can wear it without spilling food, dripping it in beverages or brushing again dirty walls and stuff. Even if I don’t dirty it, after 2,3 washes I don’t know why but it just starts to look like a rag cloth. So thou shall never again buy white unless it’s expensive enough to mandate dry cleaning.

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2. That perfect hairstyle – My hair has a life of its own. It just starts to come out of random places however neatly I try to wear it. I leave home looking like Miss India pageant and enter office looking like a gypsy who hasn’t combed for days. I go green with envy every time I spot these ladies with perfect glossy hair, not a strand out of place. Carrie Bradshaw rightly said, some women exist in this world merely to make us feel bad about ourselves. I have to make peace with the fact that I cannot be that perfectly hair styled lady, because any how after a few hours of fiercely pinned up hair, my head starts to ache like anything.

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3. Let Go – If ever I suspect/find out someone bad mouthing about me or passing a comment of me, my clothes basically anything remotely related to me. I just go crazy, simulating the entire thing in my mind. Why the thing was said, what could have been the possible reasons for saying the same, how could such a thing be said? Till the time this war is waging in my head I am unable to talk properly to that person. I do forget it after sometime on face but in mind I have a list and a motto of forgive but never forget.

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4. Not wear Kajal for more than a Week – I have been applying kajal since my college days almost regularly except for a few off days. My face has become so accustomed to kajal, that without it I look weird. Not weird but sick, dull and sheen-less. The number of health related questions I encounter from people on non-kohl days is frustrating. I have tried to break away from the shackles of mystic surma but not more than a week. Who would have thought that I simple kajal can make so much effect on your look. Some definition to the eyes and a jab of lip-gloss has been my standard makeup strategy since ages.

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5. Diet – I have tried various types of diets ~ the salad diet, the smoothie diet, no-carb diet, lean protein diet and the just-drink-lime juice diet. The one that lasted the longest was about spanning around 1 week and I was at my crankiest best. What helped was the fact that I was in morning shift with comparatively lesser human contact and sleeping early helped in skipping dinner. As soon as I shifted back to general shift, the food habits kicked right back in. The only think these diets have given me is a very nasty temper. The only way I can work these diets is with a strict helper/ training who will prepare small portion foods like sprouts, brown bead sandwiches, nuts, cut fruits and salads for me. Because let’s face it, diet food is way elaborate and tiresome than our normal daal chawal, khichdi and instant noodles. And me being a lazy bum, well, there is no way I am going to do so much of work!

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6. Sneeze like a lady – They say my sneeze has the power to bring people back from death or even make them dead with the impact of it. My sneeze is like a mini thunder. I get baffled by ladies who sneeze ever so lightly and then mutter an excuse me. It’s actually with that “excuse me” that you actually come to know that they have sneezed. I can never be that lady. I can never get satisfied with a teeny tiny sneeze, for me it should be full of drama – sharp inhalation with head jerked back and then full speed come back with huge exhalation and sound effects. Aaaaaah the relief!!

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7. Eat Cheeku – I have unsuccessfully tried to like eat this fruit several times. People have gushed about its sweetness and forcefully fed me. But however hard I try to like it, to be it just seems like eating sand. So granular and tch tch noise making.

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8. Speak out – I cannot just go on spilling details about me to anyone. That has never been me. My father taught me early in life, the more you speak the more trouble you are likely to get in. It’s always better to be a person of few words. I won’t say I am secretive, just the non-spilling type. Because the thought of people juicy gossiping over my heart-shared details with their other friends just makes me red with anger. And calling people telling them details of my mundane life is another activity out of my bounds. After a tiring day spent in doing exactly the same things I’d rather spend my day curled up in bed with a nice book.

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9. Live without Maggie – I am in love with this 2 min magic. So versatile. Make ‘em with veges, bits and shreds of chicken/mutton, chat masala or amchur, fry it up with onions, or just make it as is. There have been times when I have thought that I have had enough and can never eat a morsel of Maggie. But I have faithfully been back to it. It has saved me from dying via hunger. After all there is nothing much to be done – Just add garam pani :-)

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10. Drama-less – These just has to be some drama in my life. By means of clothes or a funky piece of jewellery, I just have to be different. Period

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Love:
Sepo